About: The Remembering of Nicole Marie
Part One: The Breaking Open
I was 23 when it really began.
Eight surgeries in, still active duty, still pushing through. I thought maybe if I just held on a little longer, they would figure it out. That someone would help me find myself through the pain, and the burnout.
Instead, they looked me in the eye and said, “There is nothing more we can do here.”
They handed me a list of diagnoses I had never even heard of before- Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Wolfe-Parkinson-White. These names made no sense but I clearly understood what was happening in body was unlike anything, that anyone around me had ever experienced. My body wasn’t producing the glue that was meant to hold everything together, and additionally I was born with too many pathways to my heart. I couldn’t find a book, a forum or a single voice saying “Hey, I have been there too.”
My body hurt constantly. I couldn’t stand without feeling like I was about to collapse. Some mornings, I couldn’t even get out of bed. And then the paperwork came- permanently and totally disabled. That was the official stamp. 100%.
It felt like a door slammed shut on the life I thought I was supposed to be building. The life I was taught I supposed to have been building.
I joined the Navy to start over. I didn’t want to do things my mothers way and left the house at 18, however I found an unforgiving world that I was attempting to navigate. With NO money for college, very limited support from family and friends I had gotten to the point where joining the military was my only option. It was going to allow me the resources to get far-away from the noise, the pain of feeling abandoned when I didn’t meet expectations, the past that began to become to painful to carry alone. There was this massive part of me that needed to prove I was capable. Independent. Strong.
And when that ended, I thought, WELL, maybe I will just do the family thing. Maybe that is what I was supposed to do all along.
But the TRUTH?
I had no idea who I was, or who I was supposed to be. I didn’t recognize my life.
They called it medical discharge. But to me, it felt like I had hit a brick wall- full speed, no warning. No plan to move ahead it was just a hard stop.
EVERYTHING shattered.
And I was left sitting in the rubble, asking the one question no one could answer… now what?
Part Two: The Descent & Awakening
“I had to lose more than the weight.”
After the discharge, I tried to make sense of what was supposed to come next. Honestly? I had no idea what to do with myself. So I posted a joke on Facebook to my friends saying: “Now accepting boyfriend applications.”
That post led me to reconnect with some friends from high school. There was one in particular who stood out from the rest, he had two kids. I had a lot of baggage. We were both starting over, and he was funny. It felt like maybe that this was the path I was meant to walk.
We got married in 2014. Nico (our son) arrived in 2015. And by 2017, I was 231lbs and completely disconnected from my body. I didn’t recognize the woman in the mirror. It wasn’t just about the weight. I had lost myself, but didn’t know I was lost. I was so tense all the time, things that use to bring me joy were to much and I knew that I desperately needed a change. So I started where I could, my body.
Over the next 13 months, I lost over 116lbs. I competed in a bodybuilding competition- but what I really lost was the version of me that believed she had to be everything for everyone else. The version that was trying so hard to hold it all alone, for my husband, my kids and lastly (because as mommas we tend to put everyone else first) myself.
Then came the divorce… what a mental wake up that was, and then came the trail.
I hiked Big Cypress- three days, a hammock, a backpack, and mind that needed clearing. That is where I first remembered, THE EARTH HAD A VOICE, and she speaks when we are quiet enough to listen. I came home with a deeper connection to nature.. but then my body hit another wall.
My legs stopped working. I became paralyzed from the neck down. I was told I had a herniation and needed another surgery. BUT this time, I was single mom with a toddler. There was no room to fall apart. So I bought an old lady chair, a few stones and a book- The Power of Now. And I set the intention of heal- mind, body and spirit.
I had no idea what I was doing, but I was willing.
That willingness cracked something open. I started learning everything I possibly could about how the universe worked- numerology, astrology, religion, energy healing, ancient texts it felt like my soul was looking for something. I grew up Catholic and had spent years in the military doing Bible Studies… but now, I was trying to piece it all together. To find the fire.
And for a while, it felt like I was just holding sticks and smoke. Doing all the things, but the spark wouldn’t catch. Then one day, someone mentioned something I had never heard before: HUMAN DESIGN
They didn’t know much, just enough to say, “this feels like it is meant for you.” and boy oh boy were they right. Learning I was a Projector felt like finally being handed a map… for the terrain I had already been walking my whole life. I wasn’t broken. I was just built different…and that difference had a purpose.
Part Three: The Remembering
“I walked through pain, pattern, and remembering—until I realized I was never lost… I was just learning how to read the map I was born with.”
I didn’t always know it had a name.
But I kept walking the same path—over and over again.
First, my body would speak. Then my mind would start spinning. Then came the waves of emotion, followed by a longing for spirit, a call to energy, and finally, the whisper of the shadow. Every time I thought I’d “healed,” the cycle would begin again—but deeper.
It wasn’t just personal. It was a pattern. A rhythm. A return.
And in early 2025, the language came in—a gift. Earth, Air, Water, Fire, Ether, and Shadow. Suddenly, everything made sense. My life, my clients, the land, the way my own nervous system danced with the world—it had all been trying to show me. I was never broken. I was becoming.
My gift of feeling—my cognition in design—was how I’d always known what others couldn’t say. I could sense when someone’s words didn’t match their energy. I’d walk into a room and my body would tell me if something was off before anyone said a word. I used to think it made me too sensitive. Now I know it’s the very thing that makes me a Wayfinder.
And still, I had to trust it.
There was no blueprint for this path. No certification. Just a knowing deep in my bones—and a gratitude practice that tethered me to a future version of myself who already believed it was enough.
I would write it:
I am grateful for trusting my process.
I am grateful for being enough.
I am grateful for showing up anyway.
Over and over, until I could feel it. Until I became it.
⸻
You didn’t land here by accident.
Maybe you were following the thinnest thread — a whisper, a feeling in your chest you couldn’t quite name. Maybe something in you has been walking for a long time.
If so, it is okay to rest.
Take off your shoes. Let the quiet wrap around you like a soft shawl. There’s tea on the stove. The fire is warm. You’re not too late.
This space wasn’t made to impress you. It was made to meet you.
Not from above. Not from ahead. But beside you.
As one who has walked. As one who is still walking.
And if your body says yes — a breath you didn’t know you were holding finally letting go — then welcome.
You’ve found your way here.
Let’s begin.
Whether you’ve just landed here or have been circling this work for a while…
If something in you stirred while reading my story — or if you’re holding a question, idea, or collaboration you’d like to explore — this is your space to reach out.
I read every message.
I honor every invitation.
Use the form to:
• Join the waitlist for my next program or retreat
• Book me for a talk, workshop, or gathering
• Collaborate on something aligned
• Ask a question about Human Design, Wayfinding, or your own unfolding
• Or simply introduce yourself — I love meeting the ones walking this path beside me.
If you’re not sure where to start, just say hello. We’ll find the next step together.
With care,
Nicole Marie